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[Jul. 14th, 2009|05:22 pm] |
also: evil killer tree update. trees are still wholly intact in street although apparently council people with ominous clipboards have been back and spoken to other housemates also. trees are now swarming with bright blue beetles. and i mean swarming. they are in lurching beetle herds slowly moving around in big splotches like a really awkward (or really hot) blush or a fever or a swarm of fucking beetles loitering outside your house ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i spoke to an interested-in-beetles woman and her tense teenage son (mummmmmmm, noooooooooooooooo) about them while i was pruning the roses in the front yard last week. apparently they are harlequin beetles, and only breed on that particular kind of tree. they are also referred to as 'stink bugs'.
bring on the chainsaws? although, i'm pretty conflicted. our street is much nicer with trees. and the beetles have been there for weeks now, and only done one really creepy thing where they swarmed on our bin when we put it out to be collected. NO BEETLES. NOT ON THE MAN MADE THINGS. NO. also interested-in-beetles woman seemed appalled that the council was going to remove the beetle habitat trees and was going to take it up with them. i guess we'll see what happens?
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|05:08 pm] |
"As a mestiza I have no country, my homeland cast me out; yet all countries are mine because I am every woman's sister or potential lover. (As a lesbian I have no race, my own people disclaim me; but I am all races because there is the queer of me in all races.) I am cultureless because, as a feminist, I challenge the collective cultural/religious male-derived beliefs of Indo-Hispanics and Anglos; yet I am cultured because I am participating in the creation of yet another culture, a new story to explain the world and our participation in it, a new value system with images and symbols that connect us to each other and to the planet. Soy un amasamiento, I am an act of kneading, of uniting and joining that not only has produced both a creature of darkness and a creature of light, but also a creature that questions the definitions of light and dark and gives them new meanings."
- Gloria Anzaldúa, Borderlands/La Frontera, p. 103.
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 25th, 2009|12:10 pm] |
I lit the match
I lit the match
I saw another monster turn to ash
Felt the burden lifted from my back
i'm slowly getting through the work but all the stress is making me quite sad. cry me a river etc etc. this is possibly one of the most positive things i have ever managed to do, but things are still pretty grim down in braintown. c'mon, chemistry! be on my side! i'm getting there, though. megan came to visit from smelbs for a couplo days over the weekend and that was magnificent. i can't wait to go visit her in a couple weeks. whiskey, crowded house and home tattooing ahoy. but seeing her really made me realise: god i'm lonely! that's right, YOU HEAR THAT, INTERNET? WOMAN, 22, LONELY, STRESSED AND WRITING ABOUT IT ON HER LIVEJOURNAL.
things are going to be okay though. studying by nature of the deed involves a lot of alone time with books, which [cough] is clearly something i just haven't worked hard enough to realise before. and i have lotso interesting project things pipeline ways. just need to get through this scrubby bit so i can start doing the living thing proper like, less by the skin of my teeth scrape through and more AH HAAAA, SEE THAT?
on a similarly slightly unfamiliar, vaguely disconcerting and probably positive note, people keep asking me out and i keep finding vague reasons not to go. now don't get me wrong, there is hardly a constant hammering at the gates (constant hammering heh) but i've been really - really pleasantly! - surprised by hot, non-moronic people seemingly enjoying my company. WIN. i remain strangely distant though, i guess i'm just not...interested. in. um. anything? which i'm surprisingly fine with. the longer i keep doing this single thing the more i enjoy it. i mean, nobody panic, i'm sure my habitual sleaziness will continue to shine through, but. i'm working so hard at balance /breathes in at the holiness of that word that really, anything that pulls me emotionally off centre which is not strictly 100% necessary can go shove it. SHOVE IT, Y'HEAR?
of course, when it comes down to it i really would like to have sex with someone before i completely forget what skin feels like (though i do occasionally accidently bump hands with bus drivers, cafe staff and my housemates while washing the dishes, so really i'm pretty much covered) but perhaps with someone who lives interstate or is in a committed relationship...with someone else. the latter being of course in the poly rather than the adulterous woe-making way.
meanwhile i'm misc_misc on twitter, which i'm finding surprisingly awesome. it's a really...dare i say it...useful...way of getting information. particularly enjoying following the crikey kids and numerous hot sex positive feminists from san fransisco, as well as a surprising number of nerdy rockstars, including the ebullient AMANDA FUCKEN PALMER, who is hilarious, a total camwhore and utterly inspirational.
also: compiling such epic lists of after assessment to do happiness things. damn i want to get my hands on that neil finn dvd where he plays with johnny marr and the drummer and guitarist from radiohead. so pleased to find out about this. i knew i was justified in my love of crowded house, I KNEW IT.
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 19th, 2009|01:58 am] |
when there's nothing left to burn, you must set yourself on fire - -
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2009|03:10 am] |
recently i feel most comfortable speaking when i am quoting. sometimes i alter my sentences to reflect song lyrics that nobody recognises to sound less like myself.
not sure how i feel about this alter ego business either. drawing lines seems more arbritrary than usual.
i ran into my exes today. they gave me matching waves from the other side of the traffic lights, and i laughed involuntarily at their sameness (which they could not see, because perspective aside it is obviously something quite different for them) and then crossed a different way to my original intent to the other side of the road. i then ran for - and caught - my bus. i did not look back, even to match my parting wave. distance is good like that. it grows. also, busses: it's such a fucking anticlimactic triumph, sitting there flopped on the seat panting legs still moving faster than you could ever go under the mighty power of your own locomotion. you have to do that brain trick where you force yourself to notice that you're picking up speed as your flesh settles.
paul and reuben came to visit, it was fucking rad. so lovely to have comrades in arms. seeing the redsunband was awesome. hot chocolate with soy and coconut milk was awesome. vegie curry brought in tupperware from canberra and sixpacks of coopers green: awesome, awesome, awesome.
meanwhile concerned about what's going down in iran. also concerned about writing essays. more excitingly richard branson calls in to fbi at 8am this morning. he better give 'em a million bucks. if you have the misfortune to be reading your f-list before eight tune on in. 94.5fm.
oh, also, i got twitter. follow me follow me: misc_misc x_o
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| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2009|08:17 pm] |
i am in love with the books
i am in love with this rain
i am in love with the shadow of your face
how you slip into my half thoughts like you won't ever
my skin
how i am not okay
how i am not okay
how i am not
running
and, how
i will not stay still for you
or anybody else
i have no body to be still for anyway
i am awake like silver line animals
hunting in the corner of your lips
and i don't give a damn
i want to use you like meat
i don't care what your favourite colour is
just for the way you smell.
and this despair is not the kind of water stranger
you could meet, say, in a bar
and neither these thoughts of my swollen face
up under opening
mouth to trickle
out to air
i just have to make big enough to remember
if i can do this
i never have to be here again.
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| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2009|12:58 am] |
05. Cynthia's behaviour is notorious: Propertius will punish her.
06. Cynthia's house is full and Propertius is jealous but will remain
faithful.
07. Augustus' marriage law is repealed: both rejoice.
08. Cynthia has been stolen from him: why not kill her?
09. Same situation: Propertius reproaches the girl, he would like to die,
but he will remain faithful.
10. Propertius when young must write about his girl: when he is old
he will sing of war, but now it can only be love-poetry.
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2009|10:37 pm] |
if i could stop thinking about how difficult this is maybe i could do it.
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| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2009|05:48 pm] |
from couchsurfing.com forum Violinists -
Hej Reagan,
I just got to know about a one-week camp in Huedin, a small village near Cluj-Napoca, Romania, where people from all over the world and all levels of playing gather in the first week of August (this year 02.-09.) to learn Gipsy dances - - - I will be there, for sure!!! 'Cause I am doing a voluntary service here in Cluj at the moment... won't miss that chance, as this kind of music really grapped me...! Maybe it's a bit far for you... but you can still combine it with a Romania-holiday, the country is really worth it!
See you there ;) ????
-Elisabeth
HELP I'M AN UNDERGRADUATE TRAPPED IN MY AUSTRALIAN UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2009|08:37 pm] |
I do not have a mill with willow trees
I have a horse and a whip
I will kill you and go.
- Yomut Turkoman, in The Songlines by Bruce Chatwin.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2009|12:52 am] |
heeeeeey, all your internet people with life skills more advanced than mine: where can i purchase a decent green curry paste in the inner west? pref. something with no shrimp innit. yeah.
nom nom nom.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2009|07:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | erik satie - gnossienne 4 | ] |
i think listening to soft erik satie is a little bit like being kissed by someone you know really well.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 22nd, 2009|11:43 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | xiu xiu - i love the valley OH! | ] |
I WON'T REST UNTIL I FORGET ABOUT IT
I WON'T REST UNTIL I DON'T CARE
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - -
so it's almost a year, in fact depending from where you take it it's over a year, and i'm still all cut up like hot ribbons of ash. i am more here-with-myself, have a lot more living under my belt, imma gonna to be fine - but somehow i'm not less furious or upset. just further away.
maybe that's the way it happens. this calming down.
here's to further distance, huh?
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2009|10:23 am] |
uuugghhghhhh.
i just slept for bloody nine hours and woke up feeling like i'd been hit by a truck. that's not even an oversleep.
fuck off, body. /attempts to revive self with tea.
today i go and collect my free b+w laser printer from the freecyclers down the road. that's a good thing, at least.
still drowning in assessment. yep. treading water at best in general, really.
treading water is okay, though. better than nothin' anyway.
x_o
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2009|09:30 pm] |
come on emma. you can do it.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2009|10:44 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | tricky - maxinquaye | ] |
capable medical practitioners make all the difference. the system sucks, but sometimes the people in it can make it work. or, at least work enough. sometimes. um.
meanwhile, a bunch of tree-choppin' devices (cranes, mulchers etc) on the back of trailers just parked briefly outside my house, yelled a bunch of shit at each other over the noise of their engines and then fucked off into the sunset. i think they may have been here to cut down the evil killer tree outside the front of my house. apparently it releases seeds which can stick to your eyes and cause you to lose your sight. an energy australia man came to my front door and told me all about it. it was serious enough that he was holding a clipboard. i had to sign a form saying that i understood why the tree had to die.
clipboards are worrying. i hope the trailer people come back.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2009|08:45 pm] |
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i went to my step-sister's wedding this weekend.
i'm not sure how i feel personally about marriage, and if a situation occurs where it might be legal for me to get married* i'm still uncertain as to whether or not i would want to. but god. this wedding. was really beautiful. low key, lovely, the perfect mixture of personality and ceremony. they were very much themselves, doing something really scary, beautiful, and extremely important to them. i cried. lots. i'm tough like that, y'know?
meanwhile in england on the same day (!!) my old housemate kate and her feller tom were tying the knot also. i was supposed to be a bridesmaid but unfortunately due to the date clash this didn't eventuate. i've never been asked to be a bridesmaid before! what are the odds, huh? anyway. kate and tom are both environmental scientists doing the same masters degree in water systems management, and when they finish they're going to head somewhere far-flung, at this stage probably south america, and fix and create infrastructure so people have clean water to drink. i'm quite sure their wedding today would have been the right fit for them, too. they're both in a rather student state of finance and when i last spoke with kate she was painting giant table runners for the reception with boats and scenes from the sea. MONSTERS! i wish i could have been in two places at once.
thinking about these two pairs of young people who strangely got married on the same day, they have more than a little in common. not so much about who they are or what they do but about the way they hold their relationship. they are both really, deeply, rather a lot in love and they both...give...a lot. to each other, so much. but their love is a push into the world, not a retreat. the energy of their act of creation radiates outwards. they don't burn each other up, are not consumed by each other. instead their love is big, and reaches out into their circles of friends, their families. it's more than their having a beautiful vibe to them. somehow it really is energy. life energy. energy for living. it doesn't seem to lessen in sharing. those around them can feel it, benefit from it, be in it. and give it back. solid. hot. alive.
i've thought before that a lot about getting loving someone right is getting how you feel, how you are with them to flow properly with the rest of your life. so that it gives you more to work with, rather than limiting you. thinking about the people in long term relationships i know, the ones whose relationships i enjoy the most are the ones who do things like that. the building things, doing things, making things kind of people. i've been thinking a lot about ways of living (ways of life) recently, and i'm not sure how much of what you can do is about choice, and how much of it is about circumstance and the resources at your disposal, but i do reckon. the people who can do love like that.
it's a very beautiful thing.
*well, you know, it's 50% legal. for me. but i don't think marriage is really a 50% kind of thing.
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2009|08:41 am] |
this is not going to be okay, really, is it.
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2009|07:46 am] |
"...in an interview with CNN on the press freedom of Hong Kong after the handover, Lu Ping, the Director of Hong Kong and Macau Office, which is China's highest authority handling Hong Kong affairs, remarked 'they can say anything they like, but if they put it into action, they've to be careful'. (sic) He also warned against the advocacy of two Chinas. The CNN reporter tried to clarify what he meant by 'action'. She asked what if someone wrote that Hong Kong or Taiwan hoped for independence. Lu Ping answered, 'It is not allowed, definitely not.' His remarks created much confusion in Hong Kong, especially amoung the media. Lu Ping then clarified his point later in his visit to Japan. He distinguished between 'advocacy' and 'objective reporting'. He said 'advocating is not a press freedom issue: advocating itself is an action' (Asia TV 6pm Newscast, 5 June 1996). In other words, Hong Kong people will not be allowed to write or asay anything in public favouring the independence of Taiwan or Hong Kong after the handover."
Media, Culture and Society. 1998. (SAGE Publications. London. Thousand Oaks and New Delhi). Vol. 20: 59-77.
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2009|07:56 pm] |
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so you must know pain.
- Kahlil Gibran
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